Oh...the memories!

I decided it was high time I cleaned my room. Really. It's that bad. My desk is cluttered...and I can hardly reach my bed. Dang all this crap! While cleaning, I found some awesome stuff. Change...books...movies I never knew I even bought. LoL.

...and my High School yearbooks...

I know, what you're thinking. It's the end of the year...time to sit back and think about the past year...yadda yadda yadda. That's coming later.

You know, I hardly talk to any of my high school friends. When I graduated, I moved on. Closed that chapter in my life. I'm over high school and all the drama that goes with it. I got a job...made new friends. A lot of people I used to know found me on MySpace, and I've exchanged words with them, but that's it. Nothing more. However, there is on friend that up and disappeared from my life...and I still dont know why.

We met in the 9th grade. We have the same birthday, so we were insta-friends. BEST friends until graduation. That was the last time I saw her. I tried calling...but she never accepted my calls.

I love hindsight. It's always 20/20. I think that for some reason, she came into my life when I needed her. Or when she needed me. And she left as quickly as she came in. I thought we'd be best friends forever. I'm so glad we arent friends anymore. I've had to come into my own since she departed. I'm so much "cooler" than I was in high school. I cultivated my personality because I had to. I had to stand out. I'm not in her shadow anymore! That's the best part about it.

I live in a completely different state than I did in high school. I'm not even close to anyone I knew then. I've got some of the greatest friends ever, and I'm so thankful for them.

C.- She's been my rock. She's made me laugh when I needed her...and she's listened to me. She's the greatest person I know thus far. I love her.

R.- She entered my life early this year, and I hope she's here for many more. She's my...well...she gets me when no one else does. I dont have to say anything, and she knows. I look at her, and she can read my looks because she gives me the same ones. :0)

Those are the only two people (other than my family) that I'm extremely thankful for. They've kept me sane. Yeah...it's quality, not quantity.

I'm glad I'm almost grown up (yeah...still not completely grown up). I'm glad my family is here to support me, and to encourage me through everything. Good and bad. I'm so thankful that they help me cultivate my talents...improve them...become successful with them.

I really have a great life (even though it sucks sometimes).

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

Our society has been so enamored with love. Having love, being loved, loving someone..."having loved and lost."

I am not so sure I have ever loved another. I've loved my family, but it's not the same. I have been completely smitten with one. I have wanted one more than I care to admit. I have yet to "love and lost"...

...or have I?

I do believe I have loved. Once. I loved a boy when I was a youngen. He was a boy I thought I'd be with forever. We grew up, and only recently have we reconnected. He's still the boy I loved, just grown up.

In recent years, I've been known to fall for just about anyone that glances my way, twice. I fall if they pretend to like me. I know my limits, which is probably why I am still single.

I have currently had it bad for this fella I worked with some time ago. He is absolutely adorable, and I knew I didn't stand a chance the minute my eyes met his. It's a long...LONG...story. One I'd rather not go into. Lets just say, I wanted him to like me, and he just wanted to get into my pants.

Well, I didn't get what I wanted...and neither did he.

A few months after our "chance" encounter, I wished he'd die.

...fast forward to now...

Tonight he got hit by a car while on his crotch rocket (ahem...bullet bike). He didn't die, but I instantly felt horrible for ever wishing such a thing.

I still wish he'd want me, but he has a girlfriend. I still wish he thinks of me, but I know he doesn't. I would only be so lucky.

Part of me wishes he'd read this pathetic little remembrance of what could have been a great something. He'll never know the depths of my heart. The longing of my soul. Every time I just get a glimpse of him, my heart breaks a little.

We could have been amazing together. I guess somethings are just meant to be...and others aren't.

-A.

Grandparents are supposed to be great...right?

I always thought grandparents were supposed to be these wonderful great people. Most are...including most of mine.

My maternal grandparents (lovingly known as Nana and Poppy/Pop) are wonderful. I love them to pieces. My Pop was the father that I didn't have growing up. Yeah, he may be abrasive and loud and annoying, but he's my Pop and I love him. Nana was a second mother to me. My mom worked a full time job just to take care of us, and Nana was there when she wasn't. Hell, she was there when she was too.

My maternal great grandparents are/were amazing. My great grandpa (Grandpa) died in October of 2002. Its been 5 years, and I don't know where the time has gone. My great grandma (Grandma) is still alive and kicking. She's amazing in her own right. I love them both to pieces.

My step-mother's grandparents love me like their own. Her mother in particular. She never had to love me, she never had to care. I was her granddaughter from day one, and I love her so much for that. I love her like she's blood. I guess it's true. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood".

My paternal side...well...that's a different story. I don't call his mother by grandma, just her first name. She never seemed to take much interest in my sister and I. As a matter of fact, I do believe his entire side of the family doesn't know much about my 21 year old sister and I. Such is life. I've tried to write her letters, I've tried to be in contact with her. To no avail. I'm done trying.

My birthday was recently, and I got no card from her. Come to find out, she told my dad that I was "too old" to be getting stuff from her. Well, I must have been too old 5 years ago. Well, my sister's 21st birthday is tomorrow, and she got a card. Kinda hurts my feelings, but once again, such is life.

I just wish she'd make an effort after I had tried.

Evenin' folks.

Welcome. I'm new here, so maybe I should introduce myself.

I'm Ash. I grew up in a predominantly LDS (Mormon for you lame-o's) in Los Angeles. You'd be surprised how many actually live in LA. My parents separated when I was 7, and they were divorced by the time I was nearly 9.

I have 5 siblings. 2 sisters and 3 brothers. Its a long complicated story. While my parents were married, my 21 year old sister and I came to be. When I was 10, my mom had my 14 year old sister. My dad remarried in 1992. He and his wife had 3 boys, from ages 12 to 8 (I think...LoL!).

I live next door to my grandparents and my great grandmother. Its been like that since the beginning of my life, and I know nothing different. Its been a blessing and a curse. A blessing for me, it provided a haven when my mom wouldn't give me what I wanted or when I was upset with her. A curse, for my mom (and later me) because my grandma was always part of the punishment process. I love her, and I always will.

I moved to Utah in 2005 with the rest of the family. Well, most of. My mom, 2 sisters, grandparents and great grandmother came too. I couldn't afford to stay in LA alone, so I cam too! I actually love it up here, and I cant believe it. I have a job that I like most of the time, and I'm actually looking for a second.

I have a dog, Maggie, and she's the greatest thing ever. She's currently sleeping on my bed, lying in her usual spot. She's lazy, and absolutely wonderful. I do believe she's the best dog ever. She makes me laugh, and she's my vacuum cleaner. If she were my child, I couldn't ask for a better one.

I love the History Channel, reading, music...and a long list of other things. I'm a photographer at heart, I see everything with an artistic eye. It's amazing where life takes you. The journey is always changing, and I'm always learning something new about myself or the people around me. I'm random, and quite possibly the most amazing person I've ever met.

Farewell...for now.

A.