It hurts. Please, make it stop...

My heart hurts. Way more than I can recall it hurting. Seems that I've had a very very unfortunate set of events happen in my personal life, and I don't know how or why it happened.

Firstly, boys suck. Secondly, some sisters do too.

I saw my ex boyfriend (I'm pretty sure we were dating at the time, but I'll explain) at work the day before Thanksgiving, and again yesterday. He's been with the same girl each time, and I'm pretty sure they're dating.

I really liked him. I did. He was kind, considerate...smart. I don't meet many of those here, but when I met him, it was nice. We hung out a lot. We watched movies. He just seemed to "get me". I've only met a handful of people that actually get me.

Well, I went to my cousin's wedding in California in August of 2007. I saw him the night before, he kissed me goodbye, and told me he'd call me when I got back.

...he disappeared. I never spoke to him again. I never saw him again...until Thanksgiving. I talked to him online, twice. One of the times, I asked him why he disappeared and acted like a jerk. He said (more or less) that he liked me "too much" and he "didn't want to get hurt, again". Please. I know better. When a guy likes a girl, they MAKE an effort to be with them. They don't disappear.

Stupid boy.

Now, to the sister that sucks. She wants everything. Everything for herself. I love her because I have to. But most of the time, I don't like her. Like now. I don't like her.

There's this friend (oh, he's a guy, and he sucks too) that I've known for a million years. Well, more like 10, but it's felt like a million. We've been friends, and then we haven't been friends. Its this vicious circle that we play in. Well, I found him on Facebook, and I asked my sister to add him because I knew he wouldn't add me. We were on the outs. Anyway, she added him months ago...and they rarely spoke (that I know of). Well, a couple of days ago, he added me, and he's messaged me MAYBE twice. Maybe. We were "best" friends. Well, come to find out, via Facebook, that chances are they probably talked ALL night last night.

Here are the reasons why it sucks...for me. My sister, if she sees something she wants, she gets it. 97% of the time. This guy, I'll call JD, if he's a typical guy, he's fell into her web...and he's hers. No changing it.

So, if they've "fallen" for each other, I'm out a friend AND a sister. I cant be friends with my sister now. This isn't the first time she's done something like this. But it WILL be the last. I refuse, REFUSE, to be second to my sister. I'm great. JD knew that once upon a time.

Sometimes I THOUGHT I loved this JD fella. Maybe I did. Maybe I was stupid. Sometimes I thought I'd end up with him, but now, I don't know if I even want to be his friend. I don't even want to be my sister's sister anymore.

What a vicious world this is sometimes...