From a busy brain.

Lots of things are going through this head of mine. Different thoughts. Different desires. Different emotions. Sometimes I think about things, and I wonder if I'm curious about things that will get me in trouble. One thought leads to another...and another...and another. I go off on tangents, and I usually can find my way back to the original thought. Other times, I'm in trouble because I don't know how I went from one thought to the other.

I was talking to this guy J (that's all I'll call him) at work. He's adorable. Unavailable, older, 2 daughters, but adorable. We talk about things. Random things. He likes to read. Wait, I take that back. He loves to read. This is how our conversation went:

Me: I was at Barnes and Noble one day and I saw this book called "Why Men Marry Bitches"

J: You should buy that and send it to my ex-wife.

M: (I laugh. It was kind of uncomfortable. I go off on a tangent, as usual) My dad doesn't love me. I'm pretty sure of it. He doesn't hate me, but he definitely doesn't love me.

J: That's sad.

M: Too bad it's true. He doesn't like my mom either. My mom said to me once, "Your dad was indifferent to me. He didn't care either way. Now your sister's dad, he was passionate about me. For a time, he loved me passionately. Very recently, he's hated me passionately. You want someone to be passionate about you. You want them to either passionately hate you, or passionately love you. There's a fine line between love and hate."

Okay, that whole dialogue was a build up to what I really was planning on writing about.

I think my mom may be right about the whole love/hate thing. I'm pretty sure that love and hate can manifest in about the same way. When you love someone, you'd do anything for that person. When you hate someone, you'd do anything for that person. When you hate someone, you'd do anything to avoid that person. You'd do anything to make sure you never ever have to make contact with them. But when you love someone, you'd do anything to be close to them and anything to make sure that they know you love them.

I know, it's twisted.

There's this guy I know. He's different. Weird. Awkward. Lots of things describe him. I was talking to a church someone and I asked him, "Do I have to like everyone?" The jist of what he told me was, "You are entitled to dislike someone. You don't have to be mean to him, but you don't have to be his best friend." I went on to tell him our history, and he proceeds to tell me, "I see a love/hate relationship between you." I blurt out, "You are one crazy man." He laughed...and I was embarrassed that I actually said that.

The thing that sucks the most...

...I think he's right. Dang it.