From a busy brain.

Lots of things are going through this head of mine. Different thoughts. Different desires. Different emotions. Sometimes I think about things, and I wonder if I'm curious about things that will get me in trouble. One thought leads to another...and another...and another. I go off on tangents, and I usually can find my way back to the original thought. Other times, I'm in trouble because I don't know how I went from one thought to the other.

I was talking to this guy J (that's all I'll call him) at work. He's adorable. Unavailable, older, 2 daughters, but adorable. We talk about things. Random things. He likes to read. Wait, I take that back. He loves to read. This is how our conversation went:

Me: I was at Barnes and Noble one day and I saw this book called "Why Men Marry Bitches"

J: You should buy that and send it to my ex-wife.

M: (I laugh. It was kind of uncomfortable. I go off on a tangent, as usual) My dad doesn't love me. I'm pretty sure of it. He doesn't hate me, but he definitely doesn't love me.

J: That's sad.

M: Too bad it's true. He doesn't like my mom either. My mom said to me once, "Your dad was indifferent to me. He didn't care either way. Now your sister's dad, he was passionate about me. For a time, he loved me passionately. Very recently, he's hated me passionately. You want someone to be passionate about you. You want them to either passionately hate you, or passionately love you. There's a fine line between love and hate."

Okay, that whole dialogue was a build up to what I really was planning on writing about.

I think my mom may be right about the whole love/hate thing. I'm pretty sure that love and hate can manifest in about the same way. When you love someone, you'd do anything for that person. When you hate someone, you'd do anything for that person. When you hate someone, you'd do anything to avoid that person. You'd do anything to make sure you never ever have to make contact with them. But when you love someone, you'd do anything to be close to them and anything to make sure that they know you love them.

I know, it's twisted.

There's this guy I know. He's different. Weird. Awkward. Lots of things describe him. I was talking to a church someone and I asked him, "Do I have to like everyone?" The jist of what he told me was, "You are entitled to dislike someone. You don't have to be mean to him, but you don't have to be his best friend." I went on to tell him our history, and he proceeds to tell me, "I see a love/hate relationship between you." I blurt out, "You are one crazy man." He laughed...and I was embarrassed that I actually said that.

The thing that sucks the most...

...I think he's right. Dang it.

Ashley, Ashlee, and Ashli

I was born in 1983, the height of the "Ashley" movement. In 1983, Ashley jumped up 13 places to #4. In 1984, to #3. In 1982, it hit #2 where it stayed until 1991. In 1991, it hit #1. In 1993, it went back to #2. In 1996, it was #3. In 1998, it hit #4. It slipped to #6 in 1999. And for the last 8 years, it's been the 5th most popular name.

For a long time, I didn't like my name. I didn't like being an Ashley, because every time I turned around, they were calling the other Ashley. I had no idea what my mother was thinking when she bestowed this on me.

I've spent the majority of my adult life debunking the myth that ALL Ashley's are dumb, ditsy, not the brightest crayon in the box. It's been really hard. I mean, REALLY hard. I actually have a co-worker that said, "You are probably the smartest Ashley I know." I was happy to hear it. It just means that all my efforts weren't in vain! YES!

For a long time I hated my name. No, scratch that, I despised it. I wish my mother would have given me another name. A different name. A cooler name. Growing up, there were lots of Ashley's...Ashlee's...and Ashli's. It sucked. I graduated with a handful, and there were even more in lower grades.

No, I wasn't named after Ashley in Gone With The Wind. Actually, I was named after Fonzie's girlfriend...but thanks.

Yes, I know. A-s-h-l-e-y is a boy's spelling. But, did YOU know that it's only a boy's spelling if the majority of babies named Ashley are actually boys. But since the majority of babies named Ashley in the States are girls, it's a girl's spelling.

It took me a long time, but I like my name. I look like an Ashley. I'm cooler than the average Ashley. Its a good thing now.

I know, it's been a while.

I'm really REALLY good at doing something a few times and then not ever doing it again. Well, I was talking to my cousin Nicole (yes, I do have a sister Nicole. It's a long story) and I got side-tracked while talking to her because I was reading her blog. She said, "If I'm doing it, you should do it too."

So, now I'm back. Woot! :0)

In July, I shot my first wedding. No, I didn't shoot them up with an AK47. It should have been great. Should have. It was a mess. A disaster. Some of the pictures are amazing. The ones I absolutely hate are the ones that I didn't want to do.

The wedding was in Bountiful. I live in Southern Utah, and I told the bride that the only way I could do it was if she gave me money for mileage. It seemed like a REALLY good idea. I was doing it labor-free. She just had to pay for prints. She agreed on the mileage. About a week before the wedding, I told her how much it'll probably cost to get up there and back. She fought with me about how much it would cost. That should have tipped me off right from the beginning. A few days before the wedding, she put $100 in my account. It cost $100 just to get up there.

This bride had absolutely no consideration for me as her photographer. She said, "You have to be there at 9am so we can start pictures." I was there, and ready to start taking pictures, by 8:45am. 9am came and went. No bride...no groom. No one was there. The bride pulled up at about 9:10...not even ready. She wasn't dressed. She wasn't even close to being ready. I went up to the room where she was getting ready with her. I wanted to get pictures of her getting dressed, but she didn't want me to see her naked. Pfft. I couldn't believe it. However, some of the best pictures came from this scenario.

Well, pictures started, and the family was barking at me. Every single one of them. I don't work well under all these things. I don't work well when people think they know better than I do. I AM the photographer her, am I not?

I was SO happy once it was all over with. I got to go back to my Grandma's house, and pack my stuff up to leave.

The weekend turned great as soon as I was done with it. I got to spend time with my cousin Nicole and her husband. They're good people. We like them. We went to eat, and then we went to see The Dark Knight when Bryce got off work.

We were supposed to leave on Sunday, but we ended up staying another day. Woot! It was a nice vacation.

I do believe that is all for now.

***Side note on a previous post***

That kid that got hit by a car? Yeah. His girlfriend was pregnant when it happened (apparently) and now they are married. I heard that the only reason he married her was because he wanted to do the right thing by her and the baby, I guess. I also heard that he didn't like her, neither did his friends.

I think that pregnancy is one of THE WORST reasons to get married. That is my personal opinion, but I do think it is. If you're miserable before you get married, chances are, you'll be miserable forever. That child deserves happy parents, even if they are happy with someone else.

See y'all later! For real this time.